Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Posted on by thecodeman92

When Disney announced in 2013 that there would be spinoff Star Wars films released in the episodic off-years, I was skeptical. A Star Wars movie not focused around the Force? Would never work. The Skywalkers are the life-blood of the saga. You can’t make a movie that doesn’t involve them in a major role. But, thankfully, I was wrong. 2016’s Rogue One: A Star Wars Story breathed new life into the venerable franchise. Yes, The Force Awakens brought it back with a vengeance the previous year, but Rogue One showed that Star Wars can work without Skywalkers (mostly), without the Force (again, mostly), without the heroes surviving, without an opening crawl, without John Williams. Before Rogue One, the battle between good and evil was pretty black-and-white. This film proved that there is some gray in the middle.

Essentially, the film’s origins spring from the opening crawl of A New Hope, which references Rebel spies stealing the plans to the first Death Star. Not much more to it than that, plot-wise, which makes this a film that can develop its characters nicely…only for them all to die. That, in and of itself, makes Rogue One stand out. It built up this ragtag team of characters, only for to kill them all off in order for their mission to succeed. The best ones, I felt, were Chirrut Imwe (probably because he’s Donnie freaking Yen), K-2S0 (why wouldn’t he be), and, of course Jyn Erso. I identify with her mostly for her relationship with her father, but I’ll discuss that in a moment.

I think that a major reason why I consider Rogue One the best Star Wars film of my lifetime is because of the nostalgia factor. Everything from the stormtroopers to the Star Destroyers to the X-Wings took me back to the original trilogy. There were a couple of forced cameos (Ponda Baba, anyone?), but it all made me feel a part of the Star Wars that I knew and loved. Hell, even Jimmy Smits was a nice touch. But, most of all, Vader. My favorite fictional character ever, in any medium, graces the silver screen for the first time in eleven years. Yes, his first scene had my biggest eye-roll moment of the film (a choking pun, really?), but seeing him kick ass with a lightsaber…was…AWESOME.

On a more serious and personal note, Rogue One will always have a special connection to me. With the exception of this film, I have seen the initial theatrical showing of every Star Wars film released in my lifetime. The Special Editions of the original trilogy, the entire prequel trilogy, the sequel trilogy, The Clone Wars animated film, even The Phantom Menace‘s 3D re-release. I was a tradition that I had begun with my stepdad when I was 6, and one that I continued after his death in 2013. I had my ticket to see the first showing of Rogue One, but fate is a cruel mistress. I missed it because I was at my father’s deathbed. He died later that evening, December 15th, 2016. A few days later, in an attempt to escape from my grief, I finally went and saw the movie. Jyn’s relationship with her father reflected my own: close for the first few years of my life, but distant for the rest of it (unlike Jyn, I actually did see my father, but not often enough). For a long time, I hated my father for it. But, at the end, all I wanted was a few more minutes with him. And like Jyn, I was left sobbing over his corpse, wondering what to do next.

Here’s the breakdown:

  1. K-2S0 kills someone: 15
  2. A character named in the movie dies on-screen: 11
  3. Death Star I makes an appearance: 5
  4. An original or prequel trilogy character makes an appearance: 12
  5. A Rebel ship takes off: 14
  6. Chirrut or Baze pray to the Force: 5
  7. Location text: 8
  8. Krennic gets mad: 7

Total: 77

So, with a total of 77 sips, and 23 sips per bottle, that comes out to 3.35 beers drank. As I do not waste beer, I round that up to 4. And as the runtime of Rogue One is 133 minutes, I drank at a rate of 0.58 sips per minute.

Here’s the running list of movies, ranked by amount of beer drank:

  1. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, 6.04 (7)
  2. Machete Kills, 6 even
  3. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, 5.96 (6)
  4. Air Force One, 5.91 (6)
  5. Rambo, 5.87 (6)
  6. The Dark Knight, 5.87 (6)
  7. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, 5.78 (6)
  8. You Only Live Twice, 5.48 (6)
  9. Casino, 5.48 (6)
  10. The Spy Who Loved Me, 5.39 (6)
  11. Moonraker, 5.35 (6)
  12. 2018 State of the Union, 5.3 (6)
  13. Star Trek: Nemesis, 5.26 (6)
  14. Gladiator (2000), 5.22 (6)
  15. Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 5.09 (6)
  16. Batman and Robin, 4.91 (5)
  17. Iron Man 3, 4.7 (5)
  18. Aliens, 4.7 (5)
  19. Batman (1966), 4.65 (5)
  20. Freddy vs. Jason, 4.61 (5)
  21. V for Vendetta, 4.61 (5)
  22. The Star Wars Holiday Special, 4.52 (5)
  23. Demolition Man, 4.52 (5)
  24. The Avengers: The Age of Ultron, 4.52 (5)
  25. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, 4.48 (5)
  26. Alien Resurrection, 4.3 (5)
  27. GoldenEye, 4.26 (5)
  28. Star Trek: Insurrection, 4.22 (5)
  29. Star Trek: The Motion Picture, 4.22 (5)
  30. Batman Forever, 4.17 (5)
  31. Batman (1989), 4.17 (5)
  32. Octopussy, 4.09 (5)
  33. Tango & Cash, 4.04 (5)
  34. The Fifth Element, 4 even
  35. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, 4 even
  36. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, 3.91 (4)
  37. The World Is Not Enough, 3.91 (4)
  38. The Wolverine, 3.91 (4)
  39. The Terminator, 3.87 (4)
  40. RoboCop (1987), 3.87 (4)
  41. Enter the Dragon, 3.74 (4)
  42. Predator, 3.65 (4)
  43. Diamonds Are Forever, 3.65 (4)
  44. The Hunt for Red October, 3.61 (4)
  45. Jaws, 3.57 (4)
  46. X2: X-Men United, 3.52 (4)
  47. The Thing (1982), 3.48 (4)
  48. Tomorrow Never Dies, 3.48 (4)
  49. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, 3.48 (4)
  50. Iron Man 2, 3.39 (4)
  51. Batman Returns, 3.39 (4)
  52. Blade, 3.35 (4)
  53. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, 3.35 (4)
  54. The Avengers (2012), 3.35 (4)
  55. Terminator 2: Judgment Day, 3.17 (4)
  56. Die Another Day, 3.09 (4)
  57. Road House (1989), 3.04 (4)
  58. The Living Daylights, 3.04 (4)
  59. Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, 3.04 (4)
  60. Superman (1978), 3.04 (4)
  61. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, 2.96 (3)
  62. The Fugitive, 2.96 (3)
  63. Skyfall, 2.96 (3)
  64. Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, 2.91 (3)
  65. Thor, 2.91 (3)
  66. The Patriot (2000), 2.83 (3)
  67. Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, 2.74 (3)
  68. Highlander, 2.7 (3)
  69. Captain America: The First Avenger, 2.7 (3)
  70. Licence to Kill, 2.7 (3)
  71. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, 2.7 (3)
  72. Star Trek: First Contact, 2.65 (3)
  73. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, 2.65 (3)
  74. Prometheus (2012), 2.61 (3)
  75. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, 2.57 (3)
  76. The Dark Knight Rises, 2.57 (3)
  77. New Nightmare, 2.52 (3)
  78. Alien 3, 2.52 (3)
  79. For Your Eyes Only, 2.48 (3)
  80. Creed, 2.48 (3)
  81. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, 2.43 (3)
  82. Blade Runner, 2.43 (3)
  83. Fatal Attraction, 2.43 (3)
  84. Spectre, 2.43 (3)
  85. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), 2.3 (3)
  86. The Running Man, 2.26 (3)
  87. Dirty Harry, 2.22 (3)
  88. Alien, 2.22 (3)
  89. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, 2.22 (3)
  90. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, 2.22 (3)
  91. Rocky Balboa, 2.13 (3)
  92. A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, 2.09 (3)
  93. A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, 2.04 (3)
  94. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, 2 even
  95. Terminator Genisys, 1.96 (2)
  96. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge, 1.91 (2)
  97. Superman II, 1.91 (2)
  98. The Silence of the Lambs, 1.91 (2)
  99. Batman Begins, 1.91 (2)
  100. Casino Royale (2006), 1.87 (2)
  101. Rambo III, 1.78 (2)
  102. Rocky IV, 1.74 (2)
  103. The Man with the Golden Gun, 1.39 (2)

And here’s the running list of movies, ranked by how fast they got me drunk:

  1. 2018 State of the Union, 1.53
  2. Rambo, 1.28
  3. Machete Kills, 1.25
  4. Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 1.19
  5. Air Force One, 1.1
  6. Freddy vs. Jason, 1.09
  7. You Only Live Twice, 1.08
  8. The Star Wars Holiday Special, 1.06
  9. Star Trek: Nemesis, 1.04
  10. Batman (1966), 1.03
  11. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, 1
  12. The Spy Who Loved Me, 0.99
  13. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, 0.98
  14. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, 0.98
  15. Moonraker, 0.98
  16. Star Trek: Insurrection, 0.94
  17. Tango & Cash, 0.92
  18. Demolition Man, 0.9
  19. Batman and Robin, 0.9
  20. The Dark Knight, 0.89
  21. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, 0.85
  22. Alien Resurrection, 0.85
  23. Iron Man 3, 0.83
  24. The Terminator, 0.83
  25. Enter the Dragon, 0.83
  26. RoboCop (1987), 0.82
  27. V for Vendetta, 0.8
  28. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, 0.8
  29. Batman Forever, 0.79
  30. Predator, 0.79
  31. Batman (1989), 0.76
  32. GoldenEye, 0.75
  33. The Avengers: Age of Ultron, 0.74
  34. Octopussy, 0.74
  35. Star Trek: The Motion Picture, 0.73
  36. The Fifth Element, 0.73
  37. The Thing (1982), 0.73
  38. Casino, 0.71
  39. Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, 0.71
  40. Aliens, 0.7
  41. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, 0.7
  42. The World Is Not Enough, 0.7
  43. Diamonds Are Forever, 0.7
  44. Tomorrow Never Dies, 0.67
  45. Jaws, 0.66
  46. The Wolverine, 0.65
  47. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, 0.65
  48. Blade, 0.64
  49. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, 0.64
  50. Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, 0.64
  51. Gladiator (2000), 0.63
  52. Iron Man 2, 0.62
  53. Batman Returns, 0.62
  54. The Hunt for Red October, 0.61
  55. X2: X-Men United, 0.61
  56. Road House (1989), 0.61
  57. Thor, 0.59
  58. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, 0.58
  59. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, 0.58
  60. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), 0.58
  61. Star Trek: First Contact, 0.55
  62. The Avengers (2012), 0.54
  63. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, 0.54
  64. Terminator 2: Judgment Day, 0.53
  65. Die Another Day, 0.53
  66. The Living Daylights, 0.53
  67. Highlander, 0.53
  68. The Fugitive, 0.52
  69. New Nightmare, 0.52
  70. A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, 0.52
  71. A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, 0.52
  72. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge, 0.52
  73. Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, 0.51
  74. The Running Man, 0.51
  75. Captain America: The First Avenger, 0.5
  76. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, 0.5
  77. Dirty Harry, 0.5
  78. Superman (1978), 0.49
  79. Skyfall, 0.48
  80. Prometheus (2012), 0.48
  81. Blade Runner, 0.48
  82. Rocky Balboa, 0.48
  83. Licence to Kill, 0.47
  84. Fatal Attraction, 0.47
  85. For Your Eyes Only, 0.45
  86. Alien, 0.44
  87. Rocky IV, 0.44
  88. Creed, 0.43
  89. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, 0.43
  90. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, 0.43
  91. Rambo III, 0.41
  92. Alien 3, 0.4
  93. Spectre, 0.38
  94. Superman II, 0.38
  95. The Patriot (2000), 0.37
  96. The Dark Knight Rises, 0.37
  97. The Silence of the Lambs, 0.37
  98. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, 0.36
  99. Terminator Genisys, 0.36
  100. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, 0.34
  101. Batman Begins, 0.31
  102. Casino Royale (2006), 0.3
  103. The Man with the Golden Gun, 0.26

Next up, we venture off to the world of mutants with the film that revitalized the superhero genre, 2000’s X-Men. Do you know what happens to a toad when it’s struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.

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