The Dark Knight Rises

Posted on by thecodeman92

After seeing a movie, I like to predict what will happen in the sequel, if a sequel is likely to be made. Following The Dark Knight in 2008, I predicted that Bruce Wayne would survive the sequel, but Batman wouldn’t. As usual, I was correct. 2012’s The Dark Knight Rises was the inevitable conclusion to Christopher Nolan’s excellent Batman trilogy. I was a little skeptical when it was revealed that Bane would be villain. The Nolan films had brought a level of realism to Batman that I didn’t think Bane would fit into at all. But it worked out okay. Sure, he was a little hard to understand sometimes, but Tom Hardy was a decent Bane, leaning more into the intelligent side of the Bane of the comics and less like the McGwire-level steroid user of Batman & Robin. Anne Hathaway was a good Catwoman, especially in that catsuit…mmmmm…very nice…sorry, where was I? Oh yes, the movie. Definitely nods that fanboys like me can appreciate (Bane breaking the Bat), although I did not like the fact that Joseph-Gordon Leavitt is Robin. Totally unnecessary. Kind of wanted Alfred and Lucius to die, though. They weren’t necessary in the series anymore and it would’ve given Batman more emotional depth, I think. But, I’m not a highly-successful writer/director and Christopher Nolan is, so I can live with it.

Here’s the breakdown:

  1. A vehicle crashes: 4
  2. A fist fight starts: 9
  3. Bane says something unintelligible: 4
  4. Batman uses a new gadget: 6
  5. Bat symbol is seen: 7
  6. Flashback or reference to previous films: 8
  7. Catwoman steals something: 5
  8. “Batman” is said: 16

Total: 59

So, with a total of 59 sips, and 23 sips per bottle, that comes out to 2.57 beers drank. As I do not waste beers, I round that up to 3. And as the runtime of The Dark Knight Rises is 165 minutes, I drank at a rate of 0.36 sips per minute.

Here’s the running list of movies, ranked by amount of beer drank:

  1. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, 5.78 (6)
  2. You Only Live Twice, 5.48 (6)
  3. The Spy Who Loved Me, 5.39 (6)
  4. Star Trek: Nemesis, 5.26 (6)
  5. Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 5.09 (6)
  6. Iron Man 3, 4.7 (5)
  7. Batman (1966), 4.65 (5)
  8. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, 4.48 (5)
  9. Star Trek: The Motion Picture, 4.22 (5)
  10. Tango & Cash, 4.04 (5)
  11. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, 4 even
  12. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, 3.91 (4)
  13. The World Is Not Enough, 3.91 (4)
  14. X2: X-Men United, 3.52 (4)
  15. Tomorrow Never Dies, 3.48 (4)
  16. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, 3.48 (4)
  17. Blade, 3.35 (4)
  18. Die Another Day, 3.09 (4)
  19. The Living Daylights, 3.04 (4)
  20. Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, 3.04 (4)
  21. Skyfall, 2.96 (3)
  22. The Patriot (2000), 2.83 (3)
  23. Highlander, 2.7 (3)
  24. Star Trek: First Contact, 2.65 (3)
  25. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, 2.65 (3)
  26. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, 2.57 (3)
  27. The Dark Knight Rises, 2.57 (3)
  28. Alien 3, 2.52 (3)
  29. For Your Eyes Only, 2.48 (3)
  30. Creed, 2.48 (3)
  31. Fatal Attraction, 2.43 (3)
  32. Spectre, 2.43 (3)
  33. Alien, 2.22 (3)
  34. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, 2.22 (3)
  35. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, 2 even
  36. Batman Begins, 1.91 (2)
  37. Rambo III, 1.78 (2)
  38. Rocky IV, 1.74 (2)
  39. The Man with the Golden Gun, 1.39 (2)

And here’s the running list of movies, ranked by how fast they got me drunk:

  1. Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 1.19
  2. You Only Live Twice, 1.08
  3. Star Trek: Nemesis, 1.04
  4. Batman (1966), 1.03
  5. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, 1
  6. The Spy Who Loved Me, 0.99
  7. Tango & Cash, 0.92
  8. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, 0.85
  9. Iron Man 3, 0.83
  10. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, 0.8
  11. Star Trek: The Motion Picture, 0.73
  12. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, 0.7
  13. The World Is Not Enough, 0.7
  14. Tomorrow Never Dies, 0.67
  15. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, 0.65
  16. Blade, 0.64
  17. X2: X-Men United, 0.61
  18. Star Trek: First Contact, 0.55
  19. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, 0.54
  20. Die Another Day, 0.53
  21. The Living Daylights, 0.53
  22. Highlander, 0.53
  23. Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, 0.51
  24. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, 0.5
  25. Skyfall, 0.48
  26. Fatal Attraction, 0.47
  27. For Your Eyes Only, 0.45
  28. Alien, 0.44
  29. Rocky IV, 0.44
  30. Creed, 0.43
  31. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, 0.43
  32. Rambo III, 0.41
  33. Alien 3, 0.4
  34. Spectre, 0.38
  35. The Patriot (2000), 0.37
  36. The Dark Knight Rises, 0.37
  37. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, 0.36
  38. Batman Begins, 0.31
  39. The Man with the Golden Gun, 0.26

Next up, we’re leaving Gotham and rocketing into space with James Bond in yet another film of the post-Star Wars science-fiction craze, 1979’s Moonraker, with the most inappropriate sex line of any movie. Stay tuned.

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