Superman II

Posted on by thecodeman92

Kneel before Valorum!…I mean, Zod! In 1978, Superman was brought to the big screen in blockbuster fashion by the legendary Christopher Reeve, taking the world into the DC universe in a spectacular way. The greatness of the film belied what was going on behind the scenes, however. The director, Richard Donner (who would go on to direct the Lethal Weapon films), had a contentious relationship with the producers, Ilya Salkind, his father Alexander Salkind, and their associate Pierre Spengler. Disagreements throughout the production of Superman and Superman II, which were being filmed simultaneously, led to the firing of Donner after the release of Superman. Approximately seventy-five percent of Superman II had been completed by this point, so the Salkinds brought in Richard Lester (who was known for directing two Beatles films…yeah…) to finish the movie before its 1980 release. Kneel before Zod! In order for Lester to actually be credited for the movie, much of what Donner had completed needed to be re-shot. This caused some further pains: Gene Hackman refused to reshoot his scenes, Marlon Brando was cut from the film due to his lawsuit against the Salkinds, and many of the production staff had to be replaced due to leaving the project. Even John Williams wouldn’t come back. An all around shitshow which resulted in crappy editing to remove Brando from his scenes, the stupid cellophane ‘S’ symbol, and the even stupider kiss of forgetfulness or whatever the hell you want to call it. Luckily, a solution would come many years later. Kneel before Zod!

In 2006, Richard Donner got the opportunity to release his own director’s cut of Superman II. He managed to piece together a film closer to his vision than what Lester churned out, re-inserting Brando into the movie (he had died in 2004, so it would be hard for him to sue), using CGI to polish up some scenes, and even using the screen test of Christopher Reeve and Margot Kidder in a pretty important way. Kneel before Zod! Yeah, the spin-around-the-world-really-fast-to-turn-back-time-thing had been done in the first film, but it was supposed to be the original ending to the second; they didn’t know how to end the first one, so it was decided to just take the ending from part two, use it, and come up with a new ending for part two later on. All-in-all, though, Donner’s cut is far superior to Lester’s. Goes to show that directors probably know what they’re doing and shouldn’t be interfered with by the studio or nagging producers.

All of that and I haven’t even gotten to the movie itself. Kneel before Zod! Superman II opens with a scene straight from the first film: the sentencing of General Zod and his top lieutenants and their incarceration in the Phantom Zone. Of course, the villains break free, make their way to Earth, and do battle with Kal-El. Really not much more to it than that, but boy is it awesome. Terence Stamp’s Zod is one of the best comic book movie villains ever, right up there with Hiddleston’s Loki and Ledger’s Joker. The fight scene in Metropolis between the rogue Kryptonians and the Man of Steel is great, showcasing all of the basic powers the aliens possess. Gene Hackman once again proves that he is the best Lex Luthor; Margot Kidder gives an excellent performance as Lois Lane, who finally realizes Superman’s identity as the buffoonish Clark Kent, leading to some great scenes between her and Reeve. A film that could have been much more, but still great nonetheless. Kneel before Zod!

Here’s the breakdown:

  1. “Kneel before Zod!”: 5
  2. Lex Luthor lies: 5
  3. Superman saves someone: 13
  4. The Kryptonians are confused by Earth: 4
  5. Clark Kent is awkward: 5
  6. Jor-El speaks: 5
  7. Superman says something heroic: 3
  8. Each appearance of Superman in the suit: 4

Total: 44

So, with a total of 44 sips, and 23 sips per bottle, that comes out to 1.91 beers drank. As I do not waste beers, I round that up to 2. And as the runtime of Superman II is 116 minutes, I drank at a rate of 0.38 sips per minute.

Here’s the running list of movies, ranked by amount of beer drank:

  1. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, 5.78 (6)
  2. You Only Live Twice, 5.48 (6)
  3. The Spy Who Loved Me, 5.39 (6)
  4. Moonraker, 5.35 (6)
  5. Star Trek: Nemesis, 5.26 (6)
  6. Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 5.09 (6)
  7. Iron Man 3, 4.7 (5)
  8. Batman (1966), 4.65 (5)
  9. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, 4.48 (5)
  10. GoldenEye, 4.26 (5)
  11. Star Trek: The Motion Picture, 4.22 (5)
  12. Octopussy, 4.09 (5)
  13. Tango & Cash, 4.04 (5)
  14. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, 4 even
  15. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, 3.91 (4)
  16. The World Is Not Enough, 3.91 (4)
  17. RoboCop (1987), 3.87 (4)
  18. X2: X-Men United, 3.52 (4)
  19. Tomorrow Never Dies, 3.48 (4)
  20. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, 3.48 (4)
  21. Blade, 3.35 (4)
  22. The Avengers (2012), 3.35 (4)
  23. Die Another Day, 3.09 (4)
  24. The Living Daylights, 3.04 (4)
  25. Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, 3.04 (4)
  26. Skyfall, 2.96 (3)
  27. The Patriot (2000), 2.83 (3)
  28. Highlander, 2.7 (3)
  29. Star Trek: First Contact, 2.65 (3)
  30. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, 2.65 (3)
  31. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, 2.57 (3)
  32. The Dark Knight Rises, 2.57 (3)
  33. Alien 3, 2.52 (3)
  34. For Your Eyes Only, 2.48 (3)
  35. Creed, 2.48 (3)
  36. Blade Runner, 2.43 (3)
  37. Fatal Attraction, 2.43 (3)
  38. Spectre, 2.43 (3)
  39. Alien, 2.22 (3)
  40. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, 2.22 (3)
  41. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, 2.22 (3)
  42. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, 2 even
  43. Superman II, 1.91 (2)
  44. Batman Begins, 1.91 (2)
  45. Rambo III, 1.78 (2)
  46. Rocky IV, 1.74 (2)
  47. The Man with the Golden Gun, 1.39 (2)

And here’s the running list of movies, ranked by how fast they got me drunk:

  1. Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 1.19
  2. You Only Live Twice, 1.08
  3. Star Trek: Nemesis, 1.04
  4. Batman (1966), 1.03
  5. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, 1
  6. The Spy Who Loved Me, 0.99
  7. Moonraker, 0.98
  8. Tango & Cash, 0.92
  9. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, 0.85
  10. Iron Man 3, 0.83
  11. RoboCop (1987), 0.82
  12. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, 0.8
  13. GoldenEye, 0.75
  14. Octopussy, 0.74
  15. Star Trek: The Motion Picture, 0.73
  16. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, 0.7
  17. The World Is Not Enough, 0.7
  18. Tomorrow Never Dies, 0.67
  19. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, 0.65
  20. Blade, 0.64
  21. X2: X-Men United, 0.61
  22. Star Trek: First Contact, 0.55
  23. The Avengers (2012), 0.54
  24. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, 0.54
  25. Die Another Day, 0.53
  26. The Living Daylights, 0.53
  27. Highlander, 0.53
  28. Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, 0.51
  29. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, 0.5
  30. Skyfall, 0.48
  31. Blade Runner, 0.48
  32. Fatal Attraction, 0.47
  33. For Your Eyes Only, 0.45
  34. Alien, 0.44
  35. Rocky IV, 0.44
  36. Creed, 0.43
  37. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, 0.43
  38. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, 0.43
  39. Rambo III, 0.41
  40. Alien 3, 0.4
  41. Spectre, 0.38
  42. Superman II, 0.38
  43. The Patriot (2000), 0.37
  44. The Dark Knight Rises, 0.37
  45. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, 0.36
  46. Batman Begins, 0.31
  47. The Man with the Golden Gun, 0.26

Kneel before Zod! Sorry, had to do that one more time. Next up, we instead kneel before Zorg as I take on 1997’s The Fifth Element, proof that not every single sci-fi film needs a franchise to be great.

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