Dirty Harry

Posted on by thecodeman92

I’ve always had a fascination with detective work and sleuthing. Sherlock Holmes is my favorite literary character. Hercule Poirot is a close second. And I’ve seen so many police television shows that they sometimes run together (no, Ice-T was not on NYPD Blue). I believe in another time and place, I would’ve made a decent investigator. And while he isn’t the best detective, Dirty Harry is certainly the meanest. The first film featuring San Francisco’s toughest beat detective (I mean “beat” literally) was the fourth of Clint Eastwood’s collaborations with director Don Siegel, perhaps the veteran actor’s best pairing with any director (besides himself, of course). The only other actor of note (at least to me) is Andrew Robinson, who played the villain Scorpio and would go on to portray one of my favorite characters in all of Star Trek, Elim Garak.

The film is pretty standard fare for a cop movie: a psychopathic killer holds the city in his grasp, with every street corner and dark alleyway a potential danger, and the police must find him before he strikes next. Enter Eastwood and his legendary portrayal of “Dirty” Harry Callahan, the no-nonsense, shoot-them-and-ask-questions-later detective assigned to the case. Callahan doggedly pursues his mark, even coming close to killing him in cold blood. The killer manages to elude him, until he finally meets his maker after Callahan unleashes the .44 Magnum on him.

Now, I don’t like guns. I think they’re vile instruments of death and should be destroyed. However, I am willing to admit when they are used for awesome effect in film. And this is certainly one of those times. The .44 Magnum is right up there with Han Solo’s blaster and the Golden Gun as the best pistols of the silver screen. It matches perfectly with Dirty Harry’s bravado, wit, and badassery. Every single line is dripping with sarcasm and disgust and every word is delivered by Eastwood through a scowl and gritted teeth. I love this damn movie and I love every single movie in this series. Even The Dead Pool. No, I don’t mean the Marvel character.

Here’s the breakdown:

  1. “Scorpio” is said: 5
  2. Someone dies: 7
  3. Scorpio laughs: 4
  4. A woman speaks: 7
  5. Someone is shot but not killed: 5
  6. Dirty Harry one-liner: 5
  7. Dirty Harry disobeys orders/breaks the law: 5
  8. The .44 Magnum is fired: 13

Total: 51

So, with a total of 51 sips, and 23 sips per bottle, that comes out to 2.22 beers drank. As I do not waste beer, I round that up to 3. And as the runtime of Dirty Harry is 102 minutes, I drank at a rate of 0.5 sips per minute.

Here’s the running list of movies, ranked by amount of beer drank:

  1. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, 6.04 (7)
  2. Machete Kills, 6 even
  3. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, 5.96 (6)
  4. Air Force One, 5.91 (6)
  5. Rambo, 5.87 (6)
  6. The Dark Knight, 5.87 (6)
  7. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, 5.78 (6)
  8. You Only Live Twice, 5.48 (6)
  9. Casino, 5.48 (6)
  10. The Spy Who Loved Me, 5.39 (6)
  11. Moonraker, 5.35 (6)
  12. 2018 State of the Union, 5.3 (6)
  13. Star Trek: Nemesis, 5.26 (6)
  14. Gladiator (2000), 5.22 (6)
  15. Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 5.09 (6)
  16. Iron Man 3, 4.7 (5)
  17. Aliens, 4.7 (5)
  18. Batman (1966), 4.65 (5)
  19. Freddy vs. Jason, 4.61 (5)
  20. V for Vendetta, 4.61 (5)
  21. The Star Wars Holiday Special, 4.52 (5)
  22. Demolition Man, 4.52 (5)
  23. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, 4.48 (5)
  24. Alien Resurrection, 4.3 (5)
  25. GoldenEye, 4.26 (5)
  26. Star Trek: The Motion Picture, 4.22 (5)
  27. Batman Forever, 4.17 (5)
  28. Batman (1989), 4.17 (5)
  29. Octopussy, 4.09 (5)
  30. Tango & Cash, 4.04 (5)
  31. The Fifth Element, 4 even
  32. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, 4 even
  33. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, 3.91 (4)
  34. The World Is Not Enough, 3.91 (4)
  35. The Wolverine, 3.91 (4)
  36. The Terminator, 3.87 (4)
  37. RoboCop (1987), 3.87 (4)
  38. Enter the Dragon, 3.74 (4)
  39. Predator, 3.65 (4)
  40. Diamonds Are Forever, 3.65 (4)
  41. The Hunt for Red October, 3.61 (4)
  42. Jaws, 3.57 (4)
  43. X2: X-Men United, 3.52 (4)
  44. The Thing (1982), 3.48 (4)
  45. Tomorrow Never Dies, 3.48 (4)
  46. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, 3.48 (4)
  47. Iron Man 2, 3.39 (4)
  48. Batman Returns, 3.39 (4)
  49. Blade, 3.35 (4)
  50. The Avengers (2012), 3.35 (4)
  51. Terminator 2: Judgment Day, 3.17 (4)
  52. Die Another Day, 3.09 (4)
  53. Road House (1989), 3.04 (4)
  54. The Living Daylights, 3.04 (4)
  55. Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, 3.04 (4)
  56. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, 2.96 (3)
  57. The Fugitive, 2.96 (3)
  58. Skyfall, 2.96 (3)
  59. Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, 2.91 (3)
  60. Thor, 2.91 (3)
  61. The Patriot (2000), 2.83 (3)
  62. Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, 2.74 (3)
  63. Highlander, 2.7 (3)
  64. Captain America: The First Avenger, 2.7 (3)
  65. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, 2.7 (3)
  66. Star Trek: First Contact, 2.65 (3)
  67. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, 2.65 (3)
  68. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, 2.57 (3)
  69. The Dark Knight Rises, 2.57 (3)
  70. New Nightmare, 2.52 (3)
  71. Alien 3, 2.52 (3)
  72. For Your Eyes Only, 2.48 (3)
  73. Creed, 2.48 (3)
  74. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, 2.43 (3)
  75. Blade Runner, 2.43 (3)
  76. Fatal Attraction, 2.43 (3)
  77. Spectre, 2.43 (3)
  78. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), 2.3 (3)
  79. The Running Man, 2.26 (3)
  80. Dirty Harry, 2.22 (3)
  81. Alien, 2.22 (3)
  82. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, 2.22 (3)
  83. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, 2.22 (3)
  84. Rocky Balboa, 2.13 (3)
  85. A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, 2.09 (3)
  86. A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, 2.04 (3)
  87. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, 2 even
  88. Terminator Genisys, 1.96 (2)
  89. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge, 1.91 (2)
  90. Superman II, 1.91 (2)
  91. The Silence of the Lambs, 1.91 (2)
  92. Batman Begins, 1.91 (2)
  93. Casino Royale (2006), 1.87 (2)
  94. Rambo III, 1.78 (2)
  95. Rocky IV, 1.74 (2)
  96. The Man with the Golden Gun, 1.39 (2)

And here’s the running list of movies, ranked by how fast they got me drunk:

  1. 2018 State of the Union, 1.53
  2. Rambo, 1.28
  3. Machete Kills, 1.25
  4. Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 1.19
  5. Air Force One, 1.1
  6. Freddy vs. Jason, 1.09
  7. You Only Live Twice, 1.08
  8. The Star Wars Holiday Special, 1.06
  9. Star Trek: Nemesis, 1.04
  10. Batman (1966), 1.03
  11. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, 1
  12. The Spy Who Loved Me, 0.99
  13. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, 0.98
  14. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, 0.98
  15. Moonraker, 0.98
  16. Tango & Cash, 0.92
  17. Demolition Man, 0.9
  18. The Dark Knight, 0.89
  19. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, 0.85
  20. Alien Resurrection, 0.85
  21. Iron Man 3, 0.83
  22. The Terminator, 0.83
  23. Enter the Dragon, 0.83
  24. RoboCop (1987), 0.82
  25. V for Vendetta, 0.8
  26. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, 0.8
  27. Batman Forever, 0.79
  28. Predator, 0.79
  29. Batman (1989), 0.76
  30. GoldenEye, 0.75
  31. Octopussy, 0.74
  32. Star Trek: The Motion Picture, 0.73
  33. The Fifth Element, 0.73
  34. The Thing (1982), 0.73
  35. Casino, 0.71
  36. Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, 0.71
  37. Aliens, 0.7
  38. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, 0.7
  39. The World Is Not Enough, 0.7
  40. Diamonds Are Forever, 0.7
  41. Tomorrow Never Dies, 0.67
  42. Jaws, 0.66
  43. The Wolverine, 0.65
  44. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, 0.65
  45. Blade, 0.64
  46. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, 0.64
  47. Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, 0.64
  48. Gladiator (2000), 0.63
  49. Iron Man 2, 0.62
  50. Batman Returns, 0.62
  51. The Hunt for Red October, 0.61
  52. X2: X-Men United, 0.61
  53. Road House (1989), 0.61
  54. Thor, 0.59
  55. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, 0.58
  56. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), 0.58
  57. Star Trek: First Contact, 0.55
  58. The Avengers (2012), 0.54
  59. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, 0.54
  60. Terminator 2: Judgment Day, 0.53
  61. Die Another Day, 0.53
  62. The Living Daylights, 0.53
  63. Highlander, 0.53
  64. The Fugitive, 0.52
  65. New Nightmare, 0.52
  66. A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, 0.52
  67. A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, 0.52
  68. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge, 0.52
  69. Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, 0.51
  70. The Running Man, 0.51
  71. Captain America: The First Avenger, 0.5
  72. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, 0.5
  73. Dirty Harry, 0.5
  74. Skyfall, 0.48
  75. Blade Runner, 0.48
  76. Rocky Balboa, 0.48
  77. Fatal Attraction, 0.47
  78. For Your Eyes Only, 0.45
  79. Alien, 0.44
  80. Rocky IV, 0.44
  81. Creed, 0.43
  82. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, 0.43
  83. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, 0.43
  84. Rambo III, 0.41
  85. Alien 3, 0.4
  86. Spectre, 0.38
  87. Superman II, 0.38
  88. The Patriot (2000), 0.37
  89. The Dark Knight Rises, 0.37
  90. The Silence of the Lambs, 0.37
  91. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, 0.36
  92. Terminator Genisys, 0.36
  93. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, 0.34
  94. Batman Begins, 0.31
  95. Casino Royale (2006), 0.3
  96. The Man with the Golden Gun, 0.26

Next up, yet another film righteously labeled as a “disappointing prequel,” 2012’s Prometheus. Much like David, I understand human emotions, although I do not feel them myself.

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