RoboCop (1987)

Posted on by thecodeman92

When it comes to action movies, I have a type: violent and full of one-liners. That’s why my favorite actor is Arnold Schwarzenegger, after all. The title role in the movie I’m posting about today, 1987’s RoboCop, was actually offered to the Austrian Oak, who turned it down. Probably because he didn’t want to be typecast as a mass murdering cyborg. Frankly, I’m glad he turned it down. I’ve never seen Peter Weller do anything other that History Channel documentaries (back when they actually did history shows instead of crap about ice road truckers and ancient aliens), but he nailed it as Officer Alex Murphy, the noble Detroit police officer who is horribly injured and transformed into RoboCop. In the now-not-so-distant future of 2019, Detroit is riddled with crime, with cops being blown away on a regular basis by the goons of Clarence Boddicker, played by Red Foreman himself, Mr. Kurtwood Smith. Boddicker is in league with Dick Jones (Ronny Cox), the corrupt VP of OCP, a pervasive megacorporation who rebuilt Murphy as RoboCop. Long story short, crooks get blown away in a bloody mess, one-liners a-plenty, and someone gets shot out of a window. I know, that’s not a very good description, but I’m not a storyteller. Paul Verhoeven is, that’s why he made the movie. So…go see it! It’s awesome! It’s in my top five movies EVER! Your move, creep!

Here’s the breakdown:

  1. Gun twirling: 5
  2. A person in power reminds his underlings who he is: 11
  3. Someone dies: 27
  4. “I’d buy that for a dollar!”: 4
  5. RoboCop’s HUD: 30
  6. TV newscast: 3
  7. Excessive amount of squibs used: 6
  8. ED-209: 3

Total: 89

So, with a total of 89 sips, and 23 sips per bottle, that comes out to 3.87 beers drank. As I do not waste beers, I round that up to 4. And as the runtime of RoboCop is 101 minutes, I drank at a rate of 0.82 sips per minute.

Here’s the running list of movies, ranked by amount of beer drank:

  1. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, 5.78 (6)
  2. You Only Live Twice, 5.48 (6)
  3. The Spy Who Loved Me, 5.39 (6)
  4. Moonraker, 5.35 (6)
  5. Star Trek: Nemesis, 5.26 (6)
  6. Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 5.09 (6)
  7. Iron Man 3, 4.7 (5)
  8. Batman (1966), 4.65 (5)
  9. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, 4.48 (5)
  10. Star Trek: The Motion Picture, 4.22 (5)
  11. Tango & Cash, 4.04 (5)
  12. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, 4 even
  13. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, 3.91 (4)
  14. The World Is Not Enough, 3.91 (4)
  15. RoboCop (1987), 3.87 (4)
  16. X2: X-Men United, 3.52 (4)
  17. Tomorrow Never Dies, 3.48 (4)
  18. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, 3.48 (4)
  19. Blade, 3.35 (4)
  20. Die Another Day, 3.09 (4)
  21. The Living Daylights, 3.04 (4)
  22. Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, 3.04 (4)
  23. Skyfall, 2.96 (3)
  24. The Patriot (2000), 2.83 (3)
  25. Highlander, 2.7 (3)
  26. Star Trek: First Contact, 2.65 (3)
  27. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, 2.65 (3)
  28. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, 2.57 (3)
  29. The Dark Knight Rises, 2.57 (3)
  30. Alien 3, 2.52 (3)
  31. For Your Eyes Only, 2.48 (3)
  32. Creed, 2.48 (3)
  33. Fatal Attraction, 2.43 (3)
  34. Spectre, 2.43 (3)
  35. Alien, 2.22 (3)
  36. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, 2.22 (3)
  37. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, 2 even
  38. Batman Begins, 1.91 (2)
  39. Rambo III, 1.78 (2)
  40. Rocky IV, 1.74 (2)
  41. The Man with the Golden Gun, 1.39 (2)

And here’s the running list of movies, ranked by how fast they got me drunk:

  1. Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 1.19
  2. You Only Live Twice, 1.08
  3. Star Trek: Nemesis, 1.04
  4. Batman (1966), 1.03
  5. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, 1
  6. The Spy Who Loved Me, 0.99
  7. Moonraker, 0.98
  8. Tango & Cash, 0.92
  9. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, 0.85
  10. Iron Man 3, 0.83
  11. RoboCop (1987), 0.82
  12. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, 0.8
  13. Star Trek: The Motion Picture, 0.73
  14. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, 0.7
  15. The World Is Not Enough, 0.7
  16. Tomorrow Never Dies, 0.67
  17. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, 0.65
  18. Blade, 0.64
  19. X2: X-Men United, 0.61
  20. Star Trek: First Contact, 0.55
  21. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, 0.54
  22. Die Another Day, 0.53
  23. The Living Daylights, 0.53
  24. Highlander, 0.53
  25. Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, 0.51
  26. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, 0.5
  27. Skyfall, 0.48
  28. Fatal Attraction, 0.47
  29. For Your Eyes Only, 0.45
  30. Alien, 0.44
  31. Rocky IV, 0.44
  32. Creed, 0.43
  33. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, 0.43
  34. Rambo III, 0.41
  35. Alien 3, 0.4
  36. Spectre, 0.38
  37. The Patriot (2000), 0.37
  38. The Dark Knight Rises, 0.37
  39. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, 0.36
  40. Batman Begins, 0.31
  41. The Man with the Golden Gun, 0.26

I can’t state enough how much I love this movie. Hell, the movie poster adorns a wall in my apartment. Number four, all-time. Which makes the remake so insulting to me. Why was it necessary? Why is any remake necessary? Because Hollywood does not like new ideas and likes quick cash grabs. I mean, it doesn’t take much money to use someone else’s ideas as your own and…I’m sorry, I don’t want to go off on a tangent. Next up, another great movie from the Reagan years with a dystopic vision of the future, 1982’s Blade Runner. Tears in rain…

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